He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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