why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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