get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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