im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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