I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
