I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
