Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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