I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
