p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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