btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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