Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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