i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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