it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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