i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Houston, we have a squirter
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
