Betty ford says i'm here all night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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