I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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