I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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