it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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