I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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