I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
