Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
