haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
