The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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