the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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