barbara walters just said penis...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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