Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
