mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
