How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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