Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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