Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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