I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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