so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i've created a new STD.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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