I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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