I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
