drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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