So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
