everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
