If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
