I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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