eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
