shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
