she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
