why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
