So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The beer is more important than you right now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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