So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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