why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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