dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were trust falling into bushes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
