WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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