If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
