she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
