I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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