Tell her she can't have a vagina
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
