thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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