He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
