i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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